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Thought Captivator

Thought Captivator

In 2 Corinthians 10:5, the Apostle Paul instructs us to, “… take every thought captive to obey Christ.” Have you thought about how practical and useful that is for you today? One of Lucifer’s many names in Scripture is “The Father of Lies.” Jesus told His critics (those who rejected Christ) that the native language of their father (the Devil) is lies.

We live in a world where advertisements tell us we are incomplete, insufficient, unhappy, and unremarkable – without their product! People at work and school hint that we need to be more, better, stronger, and _____________ (fill in the blank). Sometimes in our own homes and throughout our world, we are surrounded by criticism, shame, comparison, and guilt. Sometimes, criticism can be good because it challenges. At times, comparison can be illustrative and illuminating. Once in a while guilt and shame lead to Godly repentance. This is all good.

But often times, the world speaks the native language of its father, and the result is not constructive, good, or redeeming. It’s destructive, crushing, and demeaning. But we are told that we can take every thought captive in obedience to Christ.

So if you’re having a tough week, a rough couple of months, a lousy year already, where everything seems to be against you, remember this: YOUR Father’s native language is love. If you have Christ as your personal Savior, then you can take every negative and critical thought captive.
So when you hear the Liar’s voice, you just tell him:

“I am a child of the King! He created me on purpose and for a purpose! He knows every flaw in me better than me and you and STILL He loves me! He is in control of it all and He chooses to use me today! Right Now! And I will listen to Him!” Take the negative thought captive and release the thoughts that are real and True from Heavens perspective. By the way, when you take that thought captive, it dies. It doesn’t linger and fester and grow. You don’t need it; lies are useless once the truth is revealed. If you don’t kill it, it will do everything it can to kill you! Remember, one of you will be the captive!

Be a thought captivator! Who knows, maybe someone else needs to hear for the first time in their life, that they can do the same. Let His voice be louder than the Liar’s. Be a blessing this week Image Bearer!

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The Man I Could’ve Been

The Man I Could’ve Been

I heard a wonderful testimony a while back about how God had redeemed a life from such deep brokenness, hatred, and criminal activity, that it was hard to believe the individual giving the testimony could ever have been the same person. In comparison, I’m almost embarrassed by the ‘blandness’ of my 12 year old conversion.

Have you ever experienced that? Having listened to such a powerful, life-transforming experience, you feel very shallow in comparison for not having experienced something so dramatic?

Colossians 1:13 & 14 says, “For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.”

It’s interesting to note from Colossians that we were all enemies of God in our mind and behavior (v. 21) before being saved, but notice what it says in the above verse. “He has rescued us from the dominion of darkness…”

I don’t have a deep and tragic backstory to my own depravity. But I am reminded here that I, like every other testimony-giver, have been rescued from Darkness. I know who I am in Christ. and part of that is knowing who I would be without Christ. When I catch glimpses of my anger or pride I recognize how much more my “darkness” could have matured with me as I aged – had Christ not saved me! So my testimony is not that I am drastically different from the 12 year old sinner I was, but that I am not the man I could have been.

Be encouraged by Grace! Celebrate the testimony that you do have – and share it with others. The value of a great testimony is not necessarily in how drastic the change in us was, but in how much we grow to love and look like Jesus no matter where we come from. We have all come out of the dark! If you haven’t yet, you can, and the Center For Human Development is here to help – no matter how simple or drastic the need. There is always hope. Live in the Light Image Bearer!

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Newlyweds Pay Attention–Ten Steps to Insure Marital Satisfaction!

Newlyweds Pay Attention–Ten Steps to Insure Marital Satisfaction!

Our oldest granddaughter is getting married this summer which gave me cause to consider giving advice to her and other newlyweds from my years of providing marriage counseling.  The decision to marry is one of the most important ones that you will ever make.  Be prepared for the journey of a lifetime which can be incredibly rewarding, neutral, or devastating.   Hopefully you entered into this event with the firm decision committed to the age old vows, “…to have and to hold, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health until death do us part.”  As with all good intentions, there is also a need for preparation, coaching and action.  No couple is fully prepared for marriage, but there are things that you can do to insure a positive couple relationship and to provide a strong example for your children.wedding-626020_1280

  • GET MARRIED–You have already committed to the first step. Research shows that the very act of sharing your marriage vows is predictive of success as a couple. 1 Couples who live together without that commitment are much more likely to separate.
  • BE COMMITTED—the commitment to your marriage needs to be more than a commitment to stay in the marriage, it must be a commitment to support one another and grow in the relationship. Gary Thomas, author of Sacred Marriage, suggests that growth when he asks the question “What if God designed Marriage to make us holy, not to make us happy”. 2 It’s easy to be committed when things are going well but in times of difficulty cling to one another and see them as times of growth. Those incidents and disagreements always point to areas where you and your marriage can grow.
  • BE PREPARED—Good pre-marriage coaching is an important aspect of marriage preparation. It is an opportunity to “read the manual before exploring the repair.” This should be more than simply wedding planning and is a wonderful preventive measure.  This is an opportunity provided by many good counselors and should include written pre-marriage assessment such as Prepare/Enrich* or the more recent offering from Les and Leslie Parrott, SYMBIS.  Research also shows that marital satisfaction and success are correlated with pre-marriage coaching. 3
  • TAKE TIME-OUTS—every couple develops a script, a pattern that they follow during disagreements. When tempers rise and you feel hurt these patterns are predictable. Once started, it has a life of its own regardless of the issue or issues that triggered it.  Agree in advance that when either of you recognize you are in that script, that you will call time out.  As with any time out, take time to sort out what is happening, figure out what your partner may need at that time and what is going on in your thoughts and emotions.  Praying for direction can be helpful, “it is like going to the coach”. THEN call time in to talk about what you have discovered and LISTEN to your partner before talking.
  • COMMUNCATE, COMMUNICATE, COMMUICATE—don’t ignore issues but learn to problem solve them. Start by renewing your commitment to growth in your marriage and to your partner. Then, LISTEN closely being sensitive to the needs, emotions and thoughts being expressed. The areas of finances and sexual expression are often particularly sensitive.  The temptation is to avoid difficult subjects, but that only results in the buildup of frustration or distancing which is harmful to the relationship.  On the other hand, working through issues builds intimacy.
  • COOPERATE, DON’T COMPETE— Competition in sports requires a winner and a loser. Two become one in marriage” and you can’t win a fight against yourself. Men and women are very different in many ways including the ways they think and communicate (our brains are actually quite different). In addition, we all have real personality differences.  These provide for the opportunity to succeed, or can become barriers in the relationship.  Strive to understand these differences and celebrate the contribution each of you can make as you grow together.  After all, that is what attracted you to your spouse in the first place.
  • DATE YOUR PARTNER—during the courtship the relationship is usually based on sharing and having fun together. The responsibilities that take over and pressures of married life often result in couples forgetting romance in their relationship. This is especially true with the responsibility of raising children and all the pressures put on parents.  It is easy to grow apart, so set regular date times (I suggest weekly and a regular get away together at least twice a year).
  • DEVELOP POSITIVE RITUALS—Take time to do the little things that tell your spouse you love them. Regular kisses and hugs, little notes, asking how their day went, taking time for meals together, pray together. Little things are the things that cement a relationship together and are often the things that will be cherished memories for your children.  My wife and I like to take time to read a novel to each other, a few pages on a regular basis.  And don’t forget a good long hug when leaving one another!
  • wedding-1149219_1920MAKE FAITH THE CENTER OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP—Values are supported and relationships encouraged in a good faith community. There are few institutions left in our culture today that support marriage and the Church is one of the few remaining. In addition, it provides a wonderful place to transmit your values to your children.  Don’t forget to pray regularly for your spouse and your relationship.
  • SEEK HELP—In every relationship there are times when problems don’t seem to get resolved. Recognize when you are in “over your head” and commit in advance to seek professional guidance. Too often, divorces take place after people have “stuffed their feelings” and avoided dealing with issues for weeks, months, or even years.  As with most problems “a stitch in time saves nine.”  Perhaps the person or agency who provided your pre-marriage coaching is a good place to start.

We wish you and our granddaughter a long, happy and prosperous marriage as you embark on this journey called marriage.  May your bond of love and your relationship become stronger each day.

1 Waite, Linda J., The Negative Effects of Cohabitation, George Washington University, Institute for Communitarian and Policy Studies, Volume 10, Issue 1, Winter 1999/2000,

2Thomas, Gary Thomas, Sacred Marriage, 2000

3Saleh, Alexandra D., Premarital Counseling & Marital Satisfaction Alexandra D. Saleh, University of Massachusetts Amherst

Lee_and_Barb_637x425Lee Webster is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker who has over 40 years of counseling experience. He is also the founder and clinical director of the Center for Human Development.  To learn more about Lee click here.

Barb Webster is a Licensed Clinical Social worker with over 30 years of counseling experience.  She enjoys working with clients of all ages, individuals, and couples. To learn more about Barb click here.

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WAR ROOM

WAR ROOM

The movie War Room quickly jumped to the top of the charts in recent weeks. I had the opportunity to view it with my wife and another counselor. Although it was not what I expected, I found it to be an extremely positive film which accurately portrayed situations and principles consistent with good counseling practice.

In this film, the middle-class Jordan family is facing the kind of marital and family crisis that is typical of those we see daily in the counseling office. The film clearly depicts Danielle, the daughter, experiencing the devastating impact that marital issues and lack of parental attention have on children. Often couples in the midst of marital problems deny this reality.

Elizabeth Jordan, the wife and mother, is confronted by Miss Clara who perceives her marital and faith struggles. Miss Clara is a wise, delightful and engaging character that I enjoyed very much. As a result of her interventions, Elizabeth is challenged to focus on herself and her role in the marital discord. She strengthens her faith and changes her behavior with the results having a tremendous impact on the relationship. She “rocks the family boat”.

Tony Jordan experiences the natural consequences of his behaviors and “hits the bottom.” His changes result in some unexpected and positive changes.

Some reviewers have been critical of the changes that Elizabeth made claiming that she became a passive, dependent female. They miss the point entirely. What she did was find herself and her personal identity. Rather than falling into old relationship traps, she found personal and spiritual strength and became a strong leader in her family.

One trap that wishful viewers may make in viewing War Room is the belief that if you change, everything will turn out well and you will “live happily ever after”. In this case Elizabeth and Danielle have gained something wonderful no matter what the marital results. Unfortunately, the reality is that as one person in a relationship changes the partner will have to change. That change is sometimes very negative and the relationship is lost. In difficult marriage situations, we find that when one person in the relationship changes the relationship has to change. Unfortunately people usually only seek out help when they reach a crisis point and often that is too late.

This is an excellent, faith based film and I strongly recommend it keeping my cautions in mind. Healthy marriages do not come easily in today’s society. Pre-marital coaching, the early recognition of problems and joint counseling are the best possible options.

Lee Webster is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker who has over 40 years of counseling experience. He is also the founder and clinical director of the Center for Human Development.  To learn more about Lee click here.

war rooms

*Barb and I had the opportunity to meet and have our picture taken with T. C. Stallings who portrayed Tony Jordan at the American Association of Christian Counselors International Conference recently

 

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