Counselor's Corner

Do You Believe in Easter?

Do You Believe in Easter?

Do you believe in Easter?

Maybe I should explain that question.

The thing about Easter is that it’s really a combination of a memorial holiday for the single greatest event in human history – and a celebration of the promise, which that event secured for all of us who believe in it. Got it? A memorial of an event – and a celebration of a promise!

Easter is a joyful memorial of the triumphant resurrection of Jesus Christ following his redemptive and sacrificial death on the cross! Without Easter, Christians would have no faith! It’s because of this historical event that we are gifted with the opportunity to know our Creator’s love and purpose, both individually and as a Church.

But Easter is also about the fact that Jesus is coming back! We don’t celebrate Easter simply because our Savior rose. We celebrate Easter because we know what it means to truly hope. We know that all the crazy, unjust, broken, perverted, mangled, and complicated junk we deal with in this world is eventually going to be made right. This mess we have made is not the end. A literal new beginning will come one day, and the perfect King will be in charge of making All Things new! He didn’t stay dead! He’s alive and coming back!

No matter how bad life gets, how hopeless elections seem, how unsecure the global economy looks, Easter reminds us that something incomparably better, real and lasting is coming. How does that sound? Hope it’s encouraging, because that’s what Easter is meant to be. Sometimes it can be hard to remember that through all the daily living. If you need help, we’re here.

Do you believe in Easter?

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The Big Three

The Big Three

By Lee Webster & Tony LaMouria

If you follow the news, you will have noticed a great number of commentaries lately regarding the school shooting in Florida last month. When tragedy like this strikes our communities, it is natural to try to find a “why” answer and someone or something to blame. In addition, we hear and see a barrage of opinions and well-intentioned responses flood the media. But often, the issues that surface with the most robust activity are issues that are peripheral to the heart of the matter. It’s like trying to deal with a continuous oil leak down-stream, but never going up-stream to stop the oil flow.

When crisis does hit, it is fascinating to see the immediate human responses that do address the proverbial “oil leak.” There are three constants that we turn to, the value of meaningful faith, the importance of family, and how precious life is!

God is concerned with the crises in our lives. His concern is evident in the provisions he has given us and which, if we look very closely, are always there – especially when we need them most. When we wonder how and why circumstances can happen; when we wonder where God is when it hurts so terribly, faith, family, and life always rise to the top of our purview. We can’t deny it, because it’s where we always turn.

Scripture tells us that faith is being sure of what we have hoped for and certain of what we cannot see. That doesn’t mean that we are blindly assuming “it will all work out”. It means that we know that the bigger picture we have been promised and are relying on – God’s sovereignty and goodness – will eventually right every wrong. It’s confidence in His goodness, perfection, creativeness, wisdom, and power to do what nobody can imagine experiencing or witnessing.

Working with people from every background, faith and demographic over the years, it is clear that family is not just blood relatives, but is the community of like-minded individuals that know they can be safe with, dependent on, and courageous with. I have known families (and I would consider my own) to be made up of individuals from different parents, races, and countries. It is amazing to see the beauty and power of God’s grace in His idea of “brothers”, “sisters”, “mothers”, “fathers”, and “family”.

Perhaps most significant is the commonly shared belief in the value of life. When it comes down to it, we all believe in the sanctity of life and we demonstrate it in the shared tears and pain of loss.

There is a good God over all of this. He does provide. While we cannot simply sweep away the pain or the questions, we can help each other find a few comforting answers that let us know we are not forgotten; we are not forsaken; we are not alone. How powerful to note right before Easter, that here is hope because there is a returning redeemer one day. In the meantime, let us persevere together in faith, family, and audacious resiliency of life.

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February “In Action Video Blog from CHD”

IN ACTION

Vol.1.2

February 2018


For this video blog, Lee Webster invites us to consider one of the most fundamental concepts in marriage – fights! You read that right. Here are a few quick thoughts on one of the biggest issues in marital communications. Fight patterns…

“Every couple I know has a fight pattern.”

Join us and renowned author/speaker Kevin Leman for the 2018 Marriage Conference
Purchase a ticket or Donate for others to attend.

Purchase a Ticket    Donate for others

 

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Crossroads

Crossroads

In a small town near where I live, there is single blinking red traffic light.  There are many intersections in the town, but this light marks the only true crossroads in the community.  Depending on what you do at this stop light, you can experience some very different outcomes.

I have noticed that God allows crossroads along my journey.  As I consider those already in my rearview mirror, I note that at all true crossroads in my life, He has always provided the opportunity to stop.

God is not vindictive and spiteful.  He does not bring us to crossroads to get back at us for not driving right.  I believe the Bible shows that He allows crossroads to give us opportunity to pause and reflect; to consider and even to ask for direction.  Sometimes we need the crossroads to remind us that the journey is not some mindless wandering.  We need to be reminded that there is a purpose and that we need to consider the outcomes are not ultimately about what we want.  The way may be straight and narrow, but there is still a map to consult.  There is still a Map Maker who just happens to also be the Road Builder – and He loves to talk about both.

Are you at a crossroads?  Is there a blinking red light?  You are free to move, but maybe you are there so that you can take a little time to get refocused, re-grounded, or possible get out of the drivers seat.

Listen.  Don’t be afraid to wait.  Where do you go from here Image Bearer?

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January “In Action Video Blog from CHD”

IN ACTION

Vol.1

January 2018


For our first video blog, Lee Webster invites us to consider one of the most foundational concepts of our society – and our families. Here are a few quick thoughts on MARRIAGE and an invitation to take action with CHD and CFD.

“Marriage is good for all of us.”

Interested in joining us to support this great cause?
Purchase a ticket or Donate for others to attend.

Purchase a Ticket    Donate for others

 

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Victory for Today

Victory for Today

I spent several months looking forward to Christmas, and as soon as it was here, I was looking forward to New Years.  On New Year’s Eve, I was already thinking about the next big project before the ball even dropped.

The Holiday season is barely behind me and a busy Northwoods Winter is still before me.  Already, the retail stores are looking forward to Valentine’s day and in some cases, St. Patrick’s Day.

I have a tendency in my western culture to live in the moment while planning for the next.  I live on a perpetual treadmill of excited anxiousness for what’s next.  In a business sense, this is marketable wisdom; but in holistic living, it may cause anxiety as well as a plethora of other imbalances in life.

There is wisdom in planning for tomorrow, but if it keeps me from fully embracing the moment I am in – from recognizing the presence of abundant provision and grace for now – then there is something unbalanced in my enjoyment of now and my concern for tomorrow.

I wonder if we need to be reminded that life isn’t simply about preparing for, planning for, and investing in – tomorrow.  We have today.  We are not promised anything more.  Our Creator wants us to be wise about tomorrow, but not at the expense of today.

The enemy uses our insecurities and failures, the failures of others, and the circumstances of the broken world to bring us down; to cause worry and strife of all kinds.  However, the great promise of our Savior is that he is always with us.  Take a look at this promise:

And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you.” John 14:16-17

We can be certain that the future is not going to be perfect, but as the famous minister and civil rights leader Ralph Abernathy said, “I may not know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future”.  I can live fully in this moment and focus on what I need to in this moment, allowing it to last as long as it needs to; because tomorrow is already in His hands.

Let me share one more verse with you:

Bear one anothers burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2

Sometimes, the Truth doesn’t match what we are experiencing.  That doesn’t mean the Truth isn’t real.  It means there is something wrong with our interpretation of the experience, or our application of the Truth to that experience.  That’s why we need each other.  Sometimes we need help figuring it out.  With His promise in mind and the provision of others who are able to help, we can be victorious in just living today.

Be encouraged in the reminder that you are not alone and that there are brothers and sisters in Christ all around who can help

            So, who will have victory today?  You?  Or the treadmill?

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FOCUS ON THE PROCESS

FOCUS ON THE PROCESS

No one gets divorced because of the issue – whether it be parenting, finances, or an affair.  They get divorced because of the way they handle (or don’t handle) the issue.

The two partners heading toward divorce, might think that it is the issues they are facing that are driving them toward divorce.  In reality, it is not the issues that matter all that much, it is whether or not they are properly communicating, making necessary changes, and finding the healing necessary to move forward in a healthy relationship – in the midst of their issues and problems.

A couple dealing with those very same issues, and handling them with the proper process (communication, willingness to change, and finding healing) can strengthen their marriage and produce a closer bond after the conflict than before.

It’s not the issue that counts, it’s the process that counts.

Focus on the process.  Learn healthy conflict resolutions skills and your marriage will be “fireproof”.  You’ll be able to make it through the toughest of circumstances with the right skills.  Or stay in your old, unhealthy patterns and the lightest of breezes will blow you off course.  The choice is up to you.

 

What process in your life do you need to amend?

What relationship could benefit from a healthier process?

Why not start now?

Corina Helgestad imageCorina Helgestad is a professional counselor who especially likes working with teen girls in such areas as self-esteem, cutting, suicide, depression, and anxiety. She says this about her work as a counselor, “One of the best aspects of my life is helping others succeed in theirs.” To learn more about Corina, or to set up an appointment click here.

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Whatever

Whatever

I recently read a verse in the bible and reflected on both the simplicity of it and the enormity of it.  The verse is found in 1 Corinthians 10:31, and reads, “Whether, then, you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”  The challenge is to do ALL to the glory of God.  The word “ALL” encompasses everything – short three letter word with big implications.  I smiled when I read the simple example the text gives – eating and drinking.  Now we all (there’s that word again!) can identify with that.  We all need to eat and drink to survive.  In this country most of us eat and drink on a daily basis, and often without any thought…we’re hungry we eat…we’re thirsty and we grab a glass of water, easy right?  Certainly for many of us this is easy, but unfortunately for others, this isn’t so easy.  Yet the text challenges us to eat or drink to the glory of God.  I wonder how many of us take that to heart.  How often do I ask myself if what I’m consuming is to the glory of God, how often do you?  Finally, there’s that phrase I skipped until now, “…or whatever you do…” I guess that covers ALL things; your thoughts, your feelings, your words, your actions, everything

Life is a gift God has given us, one that is to be lived in every aspect, both the simple and the complex, to the glory of God!  Maybe when you wake up in the morning you can reflect on this verse and challenge yourself in how you think, feel, and act – to do it to the glory of God.  Maybe the next time a driver cuts you off you can “whatever” him, and send up a prayer on his behalf.

I hope this gives you a deeper perspective on life; everything we do has significance – big things, little things, “whatever” things we do, do all to the glory of God.  Now that’s not just a New Year’s resolution, it’s a life resolution!!

 

Erin MorganErin Morgan is a licensed professional counselor at the Center with over 20 years of counseling experience.  Erin says this about her work as a therapist, “I enjoy working with individuals in a wide variety of areas including depression, anxiety, parenting, and communication skills. Of particular interest to me is supporting individuals who struggle with a hurtful or abusive past and helping them with the pain that can negatively impact the present”.  She sees clients in our Wausau location. To learn more about Erin, or to set up an appointment click here.

 

 

 

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Effective Communication for Dealing with Conflict

Effective Communication for Dealing with Conflict

Before you begin, ask yourself why you feel upset – Are you truly angry because the ketchup was left on the counter? Or are you upset because you feel like you’re doing an uneven share of the housework and this is just one more piece of evidence? Take time to think about your own feelings before starting an argument.

 Discuss one issue at a time – “You shouldn’t be spending so much money without talking to me” can quickly turn into “You don’t care about our family.” Now you need to resolve two problems instead of one. Plus, when an argument starts to get off topic, it can easily become about everything a person has ever done wrong. We’ve all done a lot wrong, so this can be especially cumbersome.

Use “I” statements – When sharing a concern, begin your sentence with an “I” statement.  This technique will help you share your true feelings about the situation instead of spewing blame which will often cause defensiveness.

“I feel ____________ when you ____________ because ____________.”

Use reflective listening – Oftentimes we focus on getting our own point across rather than listening.  When reflecting, you will repeat back what someone has said to you, but in your own words.  This shows that you didn’t just hear the other person, but you are trying to understand them.  For example, you can say, “I think this is what you’re telling me, but correct me if I’m wrong.”

“I hear you saying that…”     

“It sounds like you feel…”    breakup-908714_1280

“You’re telling me that…”

Focus on the problem, not the person – When a disagreement turns to personal insults, raised voices, or mocking tones, the conversation is no longer productive. Be careful to focus on the problem without placing blame on the other person.  No put-downs, swearing, or name-calling.  Degrading language is an attempt to make your partner feel bad.

 Know when to take a time-out – When the conversation is becoming argumentative, insulting, aggressive, or is a repetitive pattern, it’s a clue for a time-out.  The person who called for the time-out is the person who will call for a time-in when he or she feels calm and relaxed enough to continue the conversation.  Spend some time doing something alone that you find relaxing.  Focus on how you can make this a more productive conversation.

Work toward a resolution – Disagreement is a normal part of a relationship. If it becomes clear that you and your partner will not agree, focus on a resolution instead. Attempt to find a compromise that benefits both individuals. Ask yourself if this disagreement really matters to your relationship and let yourself move on, if not.

IMG_0072_DawnDawn Schroeder is a professional counselor who enjoys helping people of all ages overcome life’s struggles.  She also has a special place in her heart for working with children and teenagers.  To learn more about Dawn, or to set up an appointment click here.

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Responding to Difficult Events

Responding to Difficult Events

Traumatic experiences are in the headlines almost daily.  It’s hard to not see it.  Unfortunately, our kids see it too, and they don’t have the same reasoning abilities that adults do to understand, or not be overly scared about the things that happen.  How do we strike a balance between letting our kids know and shielding them from the realities of our country and the world? How do we do that for ourselves?  We have many skills in managing anxiety that may help.  They are in categories of distraction, management of physical symptoms and thinking properly about the situation.

aware-1207670_1920Distraction – this is more than just turning our eyes away from something and not thinking about it.  It helps us have a manageable “bite” of what is going on.  This might come in the form of putting down your phone or turning off the TV, it might be taking a few deep breaths, or it might just be focusing your thoughts on something else for a while.  We can still think and do something about upsetting events even if we don’t constantly get the news, or are constantly talking about it.

Managing Physical Symptoms– when you feel your heart starting to pick up speed, or your breaths get more shallow, it’s time for some management.  You will need to consciously take deeper breaths and exhale deeply, as well.  This will help both your heart and your breathing.  The idea is this:  in order for your brain to function well, it needs oxygen.  It needs other things too, but it needs the oxygen that we take in to be able to clearly think.  The more oxygen you give it, the better it can perform for you.  The more deeply you breathe, the better opportunity you give your brain to think of other options, be able to access things you know and commit them to memory.

beautiful-day-1374424_1920Thinking Properly About the Situation – There are awful things that have happened all over the world, and we seem to get instant and constant information about it.  If you are a “news junkie” you might consider how long you have been watching/reading and see if you have learned anything new in the last few minutes.  If not, it’s time to give it a rest.  Repetition is only going to cement it into your memory.  Take a break, remember that you are safe in your own home and in your own location.  Take some time to think about what you have seen and maybe pray about the situation.

sadness-1325507_960_720Our kids need the same kind of help.  Each parent needs to manage the amount of content their children see, the things they are thinking about them and if there are any negative symptoms after having seen or heard about terrible things.  If your child develops nightmares or fears based on hearing about an event, then maybe they need to talk about it more with you.  They might not be ready to hear about these kinds of news events.  Remind your children that they are safe, remind them that you will always protect them, and remind them what we learned from Mr. Rogers – to always look for the helpers and see the good things that people are doing to make the situation better.

You will need to be available for your kids to answer other questions they may have.  Teenagers usually have some understanding based on what they are learning about the event from school, but may need some guidance in how to proceed or integrate what they know.  Elementary kids may need to do something to feel like they helped; like write a note, or draw a picture for one of the helpers.  Middle school students probably need a mix of both.  Again, it depends on your children, their maturity and the amount of exposure they have had to the event.  Families can use these kinds of situations as a time to come together and discuss what happened. Talk about the issues that the situation brings up that relate to what they are learning.  Is it about obeying the law?  Is it about accepting someone that is different? Is it about different beliefs that people have?  Use the events to start talking to your kids about important character development and behavioral implications of the tragedy around them.  Who knows, maybe your child is the next first responder or news anchor who will be the helpers in future situations.

 

Stephanie HamannStephanie Hamann, BS, MA, NCC, LPC – is a seasoned therapist with a particular passion for working with children and adolescents.  She has been an anchor for the Center for Human Development staff since 2004.  She reflects that “What I enjoy most about being a therapist is to see people gain new skills or understanding and move forward in life in a positive direction.”  Read more about Stephanie on her bio page, click here. 

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