All posts by Dawn schroeder

Effective Communication for Dealing with Conflict

Effective Communication for Dealing with Conflict

Before you begin, ask yourself why you feel upset – Are you truly angry because the ketchup was left on the counter? Or are you upset because you feel like you’re doing an uneven share of the housework and this is just one more piece of evidence? Take time to think about your own feelings before starting an argument.

 Discuss one issue at a time – “You shouldn’t be spending so much money without talking to me” can quickly turn into “You don’t care about our family.” Now you need to resolve two problems instead of one. Plus, when an argument starts to get off topic, it can easily become about everything a person has ever done wrong. We’ve all done a lot wrong, so this can be especially cumbersome.

Use “I” statements – When sharing a concern, begin your sentence with an “I” statement.  This technique will help you share your true feelings about the situation instead of spewing blame which will often cause defensiveness.

“I feel ____________ when you ____________ because ____________.”

Use reflective listening – Oftentimes we focus on getting our own point across rather than listening.  When reflecting, you will repeat back what someone has said to you, but in your own words.  This shows that you didn’t just hear the other person, but you are trying to understand them.  For example, you can say, “I think this is what you’re telling me, but correct me if I’m wrong.”

“I hear you saying that…”     

“It sounds like you feel…”    breakup-908714_1280

“You’re telling me that…”

Focus on the problem, not the person – When a disagreement turns to personal insults, raised voices, or mocking tones, the conversation is no longer productive. Be careful to focus on the problem without placing blame on the other person.  No put-downs, swearing, or name-calling.  Degrading language is an attempt to make your partner feel bad.

 Know when to take a time-out – When the conversation is becoming argumentative, insulting, aggressive, or is a repetitive pattern, it’s a clue for a time-out.  The person who called for the time-out is the person who will call for a time-in when he or she feels calm and relaxed enough to continue the conversation.  Spend some time doing something alone that you find relaxing.  Focus on how you can make this a more productive conversation.

Work toward a resolution – Disagreement is a normal part of a relationship. If it becomes clear that you and your partner will not agree, focus on a resolution instead. Attempt to find a compromise that benefits both individuals. Ask yourself if this disagreement really matters to your relationship and let yourself move on, if not.

IMG_0072_DawnDawn Schroeder is a professional counselor who enjoys helping people of all ages overcome life’s struggles.  She also has a special place in her heart for working with children and teenagers.  To learn more about Dawn, or to set up an appointment click here.

More

Why People Procrastinate

Why People Procrastinate

Everyone procrastinates sometimes and for different reasons.  Here are some of the common ones with suggestions as to how to get those tasks done that have been haunting you!

work-management-907669_640

1 – Overwhelming –

The task is so overwhelming that you don’t know how to start.  It will help you to break down the big task into smaller tasks on paper.  Than only focus on task at a time.

2 – Unenjoyable

You avoid something that was previously unenjoyable.  Your thoughts made you unhappy while doing the task.  Identify what thoughts are making you suffer, the thoughts that are not true.  It will be bad if ______________.  It is not the activity that’s bad, it’s the story you tell yourself about the activity or that you are not good or smart enough to complete the activity.  Let yourself know it is possible and that you are capable to complete the activity to the best of your ability.

3 – Comparison

You compare the job at hand to a fantasytemporal-distance-1138191_1280 world.  You have a task to accomplish but your mind visualizes doing something fun.  Your mind starts complaining that this job has no purpose or meaning, it’s boring and unsatisfying.   Ask yourself what you want most in life.  Purpose and meaning attainable only having fun or are you really looking for peace in your life.  Thoughts that compare you to others do not give you peace.  Don’t give attention to these thoughts, they are a waste of your time. Look at how you feel in the moment.  What is the story you are telling yourself.  Focus on now.  Get rid of the fantasy thoughts and get to the business at hand so you can finish the task and attain peace.

4 – Distractions

You distract yourself to avoid thoughts and suffering.  Your mind naturally goes to what makes you happy (shopping, eating, internet).  These things are stored in your memory and have offered you a temporary high in the past so you run to them to take away the suffering you are experiencing in the moment.  Don’t try to force these thoughts to stop with distraction.  Instead, look at how you are feeling in the moment.  Ask yourself what you are trying to escape from (not good enough, won’t do it perfect, boredom, too stressful).  What is the story you are telling yourself?

5 – Not the Right Fit

You feel the task is not the right fit for you.  You may love interacting with people but you have an accounting job which may not be a good fit for you.  You may have to pursue a different job but don’t avoid your current job. Focus on your current job while seeking a better fit for you but don’t let your thoughts make you procrastinate the tasks at your current job.

The cure for procrastination is ACTION.  Examine your thoughts and correct your story.

Stop procrastinating, focus on the task at hand, and attain peace.


IMG_0072_DawnDawn Schroeder
 is a professional counselor who enjoys helping people of all ages overcome life’s struggles.  She also has a special place in her heart for working with children and teenagers.  To learn more about Dawn, or to set up an appointment click here.

More